(Poetry) Meli Cano - Pins and Needles

Pins and needles

My face, my legs, my arms and my body slowly fill with this tingly feeling.
I’m not numb but I’m not here.
Every time I worry, every time I overthink I get this tingly feeling.
Have you ever felt the pins and needles?
Have you ever drank so much liquor you wake up the next day swollen?
Have you ever been in the cold too long that your body gets stiff and it doesn’t hurt but you can barely feel any movement?
Have you ever drowned without ever touching water?

When I was a kid I’d get this overwhelming wave of emotions and would be so confused I just wanted to numb it out.
The only thing I thought could help was to run
I would run until I couldn’t breath.
I would run so far and so long that my legs wobbled and my vision blurred.
I would run until my lungs felt like they were two balloons under the pressure of the tinniest needle, ready to pop at any second.
My whole body squished by the most furious giant fists.
I would run until I stopped feeling I was drowning with all these emotions,
I would drown without water.

Have you ever felt what it’s like to drown?
Your lungs get tight and your vision gets weak and your limbs get tingly and then you slowly run out of air and feel almost relieved
That’s what I would do
I was like a fish out of water
I was a kid without an inhaler
I used to feel relieved to know that feelings existed in me that I could control, like the numbness

Things get better
I do not want to drown anymore
I got tired of this wave of emotions drowning me in the middle of my day, in the middle of a breath.
I took those giant fists around my body and the tiny needle from my lungs and made them disappear.
No more pins and needles.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to live without fear?